How often do you find yourself saying I “should” do this or “have” to do that? If you are like most people, “should” and “have to” are the condiments of your every day language. Essentially, you are using guilt to motivate yourself, or attempting to.
I refer to this type of language as “Commanding Talk”.
Commanding Talk is comprised of words and phrases to task master us into doing things; too often when we “should” and “have to”, we are attempting to complete tasks that do not excite us and that we are procrastinating about. Using commanding language may feel natural and may at times, effectively move us to action, yet at what price?
After all, doesn’t much of what we want from life include feelings of accomplishment? When we use deflating language it not only takes the fun out of the task at hand, it reduces our feelings of accomplishment. Instead of acknowledging ourselves for a job well done, we may beat ourselves up for having procrastinated or for disliking the activity.
Chronic Commanding Talk indicates that we are not living a life of our choosing. The next time you find yourself using Commanding Talk, check in with yourself. Is what you are task mastering yourself into doing something YOU want to do or something someone is expecting of you? Are your commitments a form of people pleasing so that you will be liked, accepted or acknowledged?
If you find yourself using Commanding Talk frequently, I challenge you to use the empowering language of choice and if that doesn’t do the trick, uncover and eliminate the hidden expectations that are running your life.
Fearless Integration
- Notice when you use Commanding Talk.
- Ask yourself if it is true that you WANT or CHOOSE what you are commanding of yourself.
- If yes, break the tasks into smaller steps and replace your commanding words with ones that encourage and acknowledge you.
- Celebrate each step you complete with a smile and a treat!
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Susan Liddy is the author of the “Body Benevolence eBook; 8 Weeks to Loving Your Body” and “The Secrets to Ultimate Living; What You Wish You Knew When You Were 20!”. Find more of her tips and articles to create an ultimate life and an extraordinary business here: SusanLiddy.com
©copyright, All Rights Reserved Internationally, Susan Liddy, Susan Liddy International
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Susan, what great timing with your “Empowering Language” article. I’m up early this morning worrying about all my “shoulds” that I’ve got to get done today. I definitely WANT to get them done, but I’ll also make sure that I enjoy the beautiful sunny day. Think I’ll take nature breaks out in the yard between accomplishments… (my treat).
All the best,
Anne
I use to do this to myself. I have found life is to short and the should’ve and have too’s can just wait. They will be there tomorrow.
Great advice. In the past I did them and then I would let that sunny shiny date get away with out enjoying it.
Thanks Susan and have a fun day,
Debbie
That’s so funny Susan, I’ve only ever heard that term “don’t should on yourself” from one other person, my best friend of over 20 years… So I did get a kick out of it.
However, it is so important to remember. I think about that phrase often if that “should” thing ever sneaks out of my mouth and I try to instantly correct it.
And “Have To” probably one of the worst things I can hear… My rebellious side pretty much just wants to do the complete opposite.
One of my favorite sayings from “The Four Agreements” is “Be Impeccable with your word” …to me , that is one of the most powerful statements and we also applies when we’re speaking to ourselves.
Thanks Susan….
.-= Dianne DelReyes´s last blog ..Go Ahead, Enjoy That Glass of Wine & the Health Benefits Too! =-.
It is one of those amazing co-incidences that I’ve just been preparing an article for release tomorrow that relates so much to this subject. Very briefly, it refers to the use of the word “purpose”.
What you have written here is the first thing I talk to people about in one to one consultations. It is the root to changing patterns of thought.
A great and powerful post. Thank you.