Self Care & Self Love: BFF
Take a moment right now and consider how much you truly love yourself. This will certainly show up in your behaviors. Do you often rush around, always running late leaving yourself in a state of frenzy? Do you skip meals or not take potty breaks because you “just don’t feel like it?” Do you say bad things to yourself, about yourself through out your day? How often do you exercise? Choose healthy foods? Get enough sleep?
And, here’s the clincher… How much water have you drunk today? Mmm, hmmm…
The truth out of the bag is that many of you aren’t likely taking great care of yourselves regularly. A reflection of your self love…? Not always. Yet a very good place to start when you know you could be caring for yourself yet you’re not.
Consider this, how would your body feel and how would you feel about yourself if you cared for yourself as you would a child? What if you took measures to ensure you were comfortable, well taken care of, created a schedule where playful moments were encouraged and others to actively engage your mind were too. What if you forgave yourself for all of your “failings” and allowed yourself to “learn from your lessons.” And what if you provided a shoulder to lean on for Yourself once in a while?
Powerful stuff, yes?
And, you know what? There isn’t a “love quota”. There is plenty of love to go around. By loving yourself, you aren’t depleting your “love” reserves. In fact, you are increasing them! The degree to which you love and care for yourself reflects the degree to which you can give love to others. And! It reflects the degree to which you can RECEIVE love from others too. Love begets love.
Everyone… Today, embrace the magic of your existence… breath in the miracle of You. Show your love of yourself by caring for your mind, body and spirit. You have nothing to prove, there is nothing more “to do” than to release yourself from expectations, listen to your body, and make the choice to love YOU.
Enjoy.
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There isn’t a “love quota” “Love begets Love” “The degree to which you love and care for yourself reflects the degree to which you can give love to others”
I LOVE these sentiments Susan… It’s so nice to be reminded that you’re not cheating anyone else out of love by turning the love on yourself… on the contrary, you are increasing your ability to love.
If your filled, it’s so much easier to share it.
Brilliant, thank you! I think I may have to encourage this a little bit more in my own life
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Yeah, isn’t that neat?!
Love actually creates more love.
I love that.
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Hi Susan!
I am always confused why people are so hard on themselves.
I imagine that they fail to treat themselves well because, somewhere deep down, perhaps they don’t think that they deserve special treatment?
Our world starts judging us from the moment we are born. And we carry that judgment with us throughout our lives.
Especially for women, the message is to sacrifice yourself in the process of nurturing others. It is a survival-based message. And, long ago when everyday life was dangerous and food hard to come by, the survival of the species may have indeed depended on a sacrificial attitude among women. Others came first.
Yet, today most of us live in a world where there are ample opportunities to celebrate our own beauty along with the beauty of those around us. But many of us are still working off of that old style programming.
We feel guilty nurturing ourselves. Or, perhaps, we feel that we aren’t allowed to be good to ourselves until everyone else is satiated.
In your post you noted that love is a self replicating energy. The more that you give the more you receive. The more total love that there is to spread around. Love is not limited like food or shelter once may have been for our ancestors.
People, and especially women, can still fulfill their instinctive pull to nurture by spreading that love everywhere they go. But to do so, the love must start with themselves.
There is no room for self-judgment. No room for guilt. Because these things interfere with the free flow of such nurturing love.
So I say relax, and be good to yourselves. Because doing so is the best thing that you can do for us all.
Great post Susan! And great blog!
All the best,
Hugh
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Good stuff, Hugh.
Love the distinction that the world begins judging us from the day we were born.
You know, we weren’t born judging ourselves at all, were we?
When we were born, we trusted our instincts, our feelings were our guide, we wanted to learn and experience life, we wanted to love and be loved.
I believe we can all connect back with this “place” that lives within us all.
It doesn’t go away, it merely gets covered up or over powered by fear.
I always say, there is never any reason to be bad to yourself.
I appreciate your comment very much, Hugh.
Here’s to empowered and confident women and men!
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Sadly, I don’t take care of myself well. My idea of self love is all actually abusive. Eating whole pints of Ben & Jerry’s in bed at 11PM or later. Having tea and cookies or cake at that same hour. Overeating or eating sweets to “treat” myself or entertain myself. I was taught (unconsciously) that I don’t deserve anything or to be treated well, and I was taught to treat myself like a “last resort”. In our house growing up we were told to “look out for number one” but in reality we were shown that the only person who mattered and was to be appeased at all costs was my father. I learned that I am not worth it. And now at 45, I am struggling to shake free of that and not feel guilty when I do necessary things like buy groceries. I feel unworthy even to by food, (“Who do you think you are buying meat or organic fruits and vegetables?”) And yet I overcompensate by buying too much or buying all the wrong things. I’m a mess. When I try to teach myself that it is ok to do some healthy things for myself (like buying a really good pair of shoes when I was working retail and standing long hours) I feel so guilty. That was over a year ago, and I still feel the guilt.
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Hi Laura,
Making these types of “inner changes” takes much time and conscious effort.
I love that you have the awareness that you are abusive to yourself, that you LEARNED this behavior and when you attempt to change the feelings of guilt over power you. Awareness is a powerful SKILL that many don’t have. YOU have it, Laura.
I also love that you do have the ability to go to the grocery store and purchase healthy food. That you can take yourself to the store to purchase shoes that you need. So, along with the skill of awareness, you have another SKILL of taking action.
Where you seem to get off track is “overcompensating” (due to feelings of entitlement… I deserve this…?) or not being able to manage the guilty feelings that result (another LEARNED response, yes…?)
Here’s what I want you to do, Laura.
1.) Really acknowledge and embrace your skills of AWARENESS and ACTION. Pat yourself on the back. You don’t need to develop these skills. You are not starting at square one here.
2.) For every excuse, reason, explanation, justification for why you are abusive to yourself, I want you to say a TRUTH AFFIRMATION. This may mean writing a bunch down to have on the tip of your tongue. Truth Affirmations are 100%, should not be exaggerated and can be short (5 – 6 words max.)
3.) In the moment of choice and/or feeling guilty because you’ve taken care of yourself, I want you to recite your TRUTH AFFIRMATIONS.
4.) Also, during and after you’ve make a good choice, I want you to acknowledge yourself. And, then remind yourself why that choice was important. (e.g. this will help me live longer, this will enable me to help someone, this means that I will have more energy…)
This is not an overnight thing for you, Laura.
What I provided above is really just a piece of the process for you.
I believe you can successfully fold this piece in though and feel a sense of growth and peacefulness as a result.
This will take constant effort, conscious choice, and willingness to forgive yourself (and I suspect others) as you turn this around.
You can do this.
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Susan~
Love your article! All we need is love! Love is all you need. I have this internal meter (which I think all of us have) that when I am not taking care of myself and giving myself the love I need, I start to get upset and I realize that I need to take a time out and take care of myself and my needs. I think that this is important for all of us who serve others in the type of work that we do. So important to take care of yourself so that you can give of yourself.
Thanks for posting this article.
All the best,
Tomasa Macapinlac, Asian Bodywork Therapist
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Me too!
Key is to listen and honor the message.
Will admit that I do not ALWAYS do that.
Takes a constant practice of mindfulness and choice… yes?
Thanks for visiting!
Come again soon, Tomasa!
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Hi Susan,
This is a great article and so much truth in it. We all forget to take care of our selves.
As I have gotten a little old and the children are grown, I now take care of myself better. It maybe because I have more time, but I would like to think that I’ve gotten smarter.
In the evening I know that there are things I need to be doing, but always find a couple of hours to either read or watch a little TV or movie.
I use to think that when my hubby needed something I was suppose to jump right up and get it for him. Not any more. If I get up to get myself something, I’ll see if he needs anything. And when he gets up to get himself something, he now ask me if I need anything. And you know what, I have learned to let him get it for me. (I have asked him to go to the bathroom for me, but he just can’t seem to get that one right.) Will, keep working one it though.
Anyway thanks again Susan for reminding us to love ourselves. This is very important, more then women realize.
Debbie
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
What?!
You… old?!?
Okay, I’ll let that slide…
PS. I have that guest blog article ready for you. Will shoot you an eMail tomorrow…
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Would love to share it with you Susan… May I post it here or should I send it privately?
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Post it here!
And, include a link if you want!
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Thank you Susan,
Going thru stuff right now.. and I needed to see this and on Facebook is where you put the link.
Thank you. I think you helped me from choosing something other than love.
Great reminder. I hope I can remember it tomorrow. One day at a time.. one breath at a time.
All the best.
Monica
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
March 3rd, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Oh, this is wonderful Monica!
I’m so glad my self care article supported you.
Yes, one day at a time… one breath at a time.
Isn’t that what it’s truly all about anyway…?
Right here and now…
((( hug )))
Susan
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I actually think that self love is more than drinking water and eating right, although this helps… It is about feeding ourself self respect, self acceptance and this combines into self love. It is for me as well about allowing myself to feel my feelings. Allowing ourselves stuff is important, internally not just externally.
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Life Coach Susan Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Gosh, I completely agree.
So much goes into Self Love.
Thank you for adding self respect and self acceptance.
Oh, and feeling your feelings… yes.
Have a bunch of other articles on these topics on the blog.
Excellent.
PS. come back again soon!
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