Susan

For others of you out there who are agonizing and writhing in pain at night when sleep won’t come without chemical assistance… this is a part of the normal grieving process.
I was relieved when I recently read an article in a magazine about grief in the doctors waiting room. The thing that struck me was that it said that those of us who go through the “sense making” process survive the experidnce better… I know it took at least a year after losing my son to BEGIN to try to make sense of it.
On the surface it will NEVER make sense and we will always feel cheated of what might have been… At the same time, I find, for myself anyway… It is not a larger sense I was looking for… I was trying to make sense of it for me… and how to move beyond.
Ironically for me… this was my “bosom” child… the one who shared everything with me and called me ten times a day sometimes… not the one who resents my presence… (I have one of those children too….who lives on and continues that posture) which added significant insult to tremendous injury and the boatloads of pain and presented another obstacle to acceptance and a NON “sense making” opportunity…which was an obstacle… and still is… The key is, especailly with this type of loss,in my opinion, is acceptance. Acceptance of the fact. You don’t have to like it and can’t possibly embrace it initially… As I said in my previous blog… don’t buy into the the “time heals all wounds” theory because it just isn’t true… Time REALLY festers all wounds that go without cleaning and dressing. The cleaning part is the reconciling and sense making phase… You never get “over” but you can get through it be realizing that your beloved one would never want you to waste the days that you still have, paralyzed in pain and ruining the days you still have.. So DECIDE to take steps to start living again. If you have to be here… make each day count for something… step one decide to recover and get through it… step two.. help someone else who is going through it right now and needs you to be there and understand what no one else could possibly understand… You will find while throwing out your live preserver of common groud you too can find healing… SLOWLY…
Thank you for taking the time to read my heartfelt words and while you are here … grab the life preserver and decide to live on… like you mean it. After all, You of all people know how precious and short life really is… Get out of bed, or out of your chair, or your house and do something meaningful with the power of your pain, that only YOU can do.

Wow, you have experienced some major loss in your life.
Thank you for your willingness to share this with us, and to express such deep wisdom from your experience.
I agree, it takes committed, conscious choice to truly process through such devastating feelings.
Very challenging… cause we want to bury it away and forget… or maybe we want to get angry and push love away forever.
I can only imagine the pain that you have felt.

Thank you for choosing to get to the other side of your pain.
Your loss is certainly “our gain”.
I can tell that you are touching many lives in positive ways as a result of your experience.

((( hug )))
Susan

PS. Myriam is indeed a wise woman…

I like the part where you wrote, “I’m also learning that if someone doesn’t love me the way I love them it doesn’t mean I’m not worthy, it just means they were not the right ONCE for me.”

I’ve gotta say the the biggest life lessons I have ever learned were in the School of Relationships.
Love that you have come to a place to truly LOVE YOU… no matter what the outcome of a relationship.

Susan